You might be a left head, if ...

Courtesy of James Lewis, American Thinker:

Remember redneck jokes? Blonde jokes? Polish jokes? So --- why don't we have leftie jokes? The United States is infested by out-of-control lefties swarming around the media like body lice. Why don't we scratch where it itches?

To start making up for our humor deficit, here are a few starting ideas. Please add your own. Extra points for funny.
"You might be a left head if...

You can't tell "it's" from "its."
Your mind cuts out after one tweet a day.
You think "like" is part of English grammar.
You believe Jerk Rap is better than Mozart.
You feel sure that 2 + 2 equals 5 in some cultures.
You think snowstorms prove global warming.
You believe God is dead but Karl Marx lives.
You secretly think human history started when you woke up in high school.
You've had at least twelve years of education, but you can't read, write, add, subtract, multiply or divide, or make any sense.
Your eyes glaze over when somebody talks facts and logic.
You never liked history because it has too many dates.
You're twelve years old and feel ready to have a baby.
You think undocumented immigrants lost their documents someplace.
You think blacks can't be racists.
You consider Al Sharpton to be a spiritual leader.
You want to spend your life doing good for humanity, but you can't stand math, science, business, accounting, agriculture, economics or engineering. Or work.
You think the Nazis were conservatives.
You're sure you're a Progressive but can't explain what that means. If anything.
You believe Karl Marx gave human rights to women, blacks, and gays.
You think the Soviet Union was a good idea.
You think the most intellectually stuck president in history is a genius.
You think ObamaCare will balance the budget.
You think Bill Maher is funny.
You think race baiting is a perfectly good political argument.
You believe anything in the New York Times. Anything. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.
You know in your heart that people who don't agree with you are evil, racist, sexist, gay-hating, and Islamophobes.
You think America deserved 9/11.
You're scared about Islamophobia, but not about suicide bombers with nukes.
You believe Christians should not be allowed to criticize Muslims.
You think it's OK for Hamas to kill families in Israel, but it's not OK for Israel to strike Hamas.
You think that all drugs should be legalized, because people will use less of them if they're cheap and legal.
You think Christians are evil, but Muslim terrorists deserve more sympathy and understanding.
You think the media tell the truth.
You think Obama never tells a lie.

Here are a few that I can add:
You are convinced of your superiority, but can't explain why you're better than everyone else.
You believe that 98% of the population can become prosperous by plundering the upper 2%, even after government takes its cut.
You accept Al Gore's claim to have invented the Internet and to have become an expert on climate change, but can't believe a single word that comes out of the mouth of George W. Bush.
You don't accept the idea that national defense is a constitutionally mandated government function, and constantly look for ways to cut defense budgets.
Foreign law, personal opinion, Shari'a law, federal and state constitutions, case law, and Saul Alinsky's "Rules for Radicals" are all the same to you, so they should be given equal weight when deciding cases in a courtroom.
You have at least one Che Guevara T-shirt in your collection, and would like to see Fidel Castro in Havana, Cuba while he's still alive.
You are smugly confident that no conservative anywhere has said anything of value at any time.
You have evolved to the point where you now consider the U.S. Constitution obsolete, and would rather do away with the hassle of elections and legislative give-and-take.
You have a highly romanticized vision of unions as the worker's best friend.
To you, every immigrant is a potential leftist sympathizer, regardless of how they came to this country, and should be pandered to under all circumstances.
It's not inflation if you call it something else, like "quantitative easing," and keep the presses running day and night.
You believe it's a sign of sophistication when the President of the United States bows to foreign rulers and apologizes to them for any past misdeeds.