Monday, July 7, 2008

What to Expect out of a Drunk

When I was young and impressionable, I used to believe in the old saying, "in vino veritas" (in wine, truth) - in other words, that alcohol was the poor man's truth serum. Not so. You can't expect someone who's totally smashed to give an honest answer to questions such as,

1. Are you sure you can drive home safely?
2. I'll give you some money for a taxi ride home. Can you promise not to buy any more drinks?
3. Are you rich? popular? successful?
4. Can you sing? (at a karaoke or open-mic show) - this I can personally attest to, as I used to run a karaoke show twice a week while stationed in Korea. The more they drank, the better they thought they could perform!!!
5. Did you start the fight?
6. Are you married?
7. Are you trying to hide any drugs from me?
8. Can you show me your driver's license?
9. Do you think you can pass this field sobriety test?
10. How many drinks did you have before you left the bar?
11. Will you stay away from the biker gang in the corner and not pick a fight with them?
12. We just got the DNA test results back from the lab. Now tell me, did you father that child?

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